X is for Xylophones

Officially the title to this post is:


Xylophones and the boy who couldn't keep time with a triangle.


That was a little long though.

When I was in middle school in AL I was a flute player in my school's concert band. Not marching band. I refused to put on polyester and march around in the AL heat. I'm no fool.


Anyhoo- in this class led by Mr. True (who was so amazing he deserves his own post one day- I'll get to him sometime soon) were flute players, saxophone players, trombone players, clarinet players, drummers, you guys see where this is going? It was a freaking concert band. 


Ok well this one drummer named Elton (not his real name, but I used to tell him he looked like a young Elton John so I called him Elton- even though he really looked more like a mouse) could not keep time to save his life. Through 7th grade he struggled. Through 8th grade he struggled harder. By the time we were in 9th grade he was a bumbling mess and Mr. True took him off drums and put him on the xylophone. 

Demotion! It was nearly unheard of. What a burn!


Mr. True figured this would be the easiest instrument for Elton to play. So poor Elton dinged and dinged and donged his way through songs using the xylophone for a few weeks. It was a disaster. He would stand in the back of the room with the xylophone in front of him and nervously push his glasses up on he bridge of his nose and his whole body would be dipping forward in time to the music. Like half a Japanese bow to every beat. He knew the beat inside himself, but the moment that he needed to bring that mallet thingy down and tap the bar he'd be a beat behind. His body knew, his hand was slow. It was the strangest thing. We'd all be able to see him getting the music, feeling the music, but then... the hand pause and it was all jacked up. 


Poor Elton. 


Needless to say he ended up being demoted even further to the triangle.