Friday, June 7, 2013

NSA- Keeping Tabs Has Never Been So Dull

News broke yesterday that the government is all up in our business. In case you haven't heard, let me give you a little run down on it. 

Verizon struck a deal with the NSA (National Security Agency) where they will now have unlimited access to all of Verizon's phone records. They also have access to all of Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, Skype, Apple, Facebook, and everyone else ever. 

I know I'm supposed to be outraged and indignant and FUCK YOU GUV'MENT! But I can't seem to muster enough giveadamn. The thing is, I got all that anger out of me when the Patriot Act came into effect in 2001 after 9/11. I'll just leave this here for you to take a gander at if you're not already familiar PATRIOT ACT

The thing is, we lost our privacy a long time ago. I look at it like this, it's a small price to pay for a safe and secure country. The NSA can't stop everything- no matter how much information they gather, but if it even stops one horrific act like the Boston bombing then to me it's worth it. 

Maybe it's ok for me because I don't do anything that I feel the need to hide. I saw a lot of people yesterday freaking out about the access to phone records because how would they get in contact with their dealers now?! To which I say, the NSA does not give a shit if you want to get an 8 ball or an ounce of weed. They are looking for much bigger fish than you and your weekend tweaking habits.

Maybe I'm wrong, but with all the mountains of information they are sifting through to look for threats to national security you embezzling from your small local business, calling for an escort, cheating on your spouse, getting some acid, or your plans to sneak out of your house to go see Timmy/Jane is not going to make the NSA give any fucks. 

None of them. The NSA has zero fucks to give. 

Honestly, my phone calls are so boring that I feel like I need to do something to spice it up a little for them. Maybe I'll see if the husband wants to sit in the living room and me in the bedroom and we can talk dirty to each other or something. Poor fellas in the dry cleaners van parked out front chain smoking with fedoras on must get hella bored listening in on my normal calls to either order lunch, speak to my doctor to confirm appointments, or have the same "How's your day? Mine's eh. See you when you get home" convos with my husband. 

Maybe I could even start making simple tasks SEEM sketchy for them. Develop suspicious sounding phrases for everyday things. 

Can you pick up dinner tonight?  = The bacon must descend in the pit. Do not hesitate to slaughter all in the way. 

I need to run to the store. = Fourteen WMDs are waiting for pickup. The king is ready. 

We're out of diapers. = Operation Shitstorm is fast approaching. No opportunity for cover. All must prepare for judgement day. 

And so forth and so on. You get the gist.


  1. Hmmm, my phone habits are pretty boring, too. Random texts from the kid from school during the day, texts to the hubby about dinner plans, calls to the local Chinese take out place. I need to start using special phrases, too.

  2. Well, government, guess what? I like boobs. I hope whoever's looking at my Internet history has a fondness for boobs as well, because that's all you're going to find. That, and hilarious cat pictures.

  3. eh I mean seriously, I doubt they even can prevent another boston bombing. I mean the amount of information they is humanly impossible to sift through them and I doubt even programs developed to catch certain phrases won't be a big help either.

    the one thing that bothers me...if they want to get you for something, they can - but then again how does that differ from the past?

    Just sounds like East Germany to me, but it least everybody new you are being spied on by the government and most knew who it was...

    There is no true democracy I think.

    1. Oh shit, you just blew my mind with the East Germany link...


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