Tuesday, January 3, 2012


Welcome to 2012 guys!! A new year is here and with that means we're all supposed to make resolutions to stop or start doing something for at LEAST a week until we fall off the resolution horse and say "Eff it, there's always 2013 to lose weight/stop smoking/grow a beard/wear heels every day/boink the Pope/eat your weight in banana nut muffins". 

Every New Years Eve for years and years I vowed to lose weight. Cause I'm a fattie. However, I never really did anything to make it happen. Stop eating? Go to the gym? Count calories? Meh, I've got things to do. Things like eat this delicious banana nut muffin. With butter all over it. Mmm butter...

So alas, I am nearing my 29th year on this Earth and I am still a fattie. So I decided to make a different resolution this year. This year I have resolved to do 2 things. How insane is that? I can't even make one resolution stick so I decide to make TWO happen? Pfft silly Jess. 

Anyhooo, I have resolved this year to 1) quit smoking. Yes I know, it's a disgusting habit. One I picked up out of spite a few days before my 20th birthday. Who was I spiting? A douche-bag ex-boyfriend. Because nothing says "fuck you asshole I think for myself!" like giving yourself cancer? I'm not sure what my reasoning was behind that one... Anyways, I quit for quite sometime in the past and I don't smoke all that much anyways, so I should be good. It's not uncommon for me to go days without smoking, so if you don't NEED it and you don't suffer without it why not just go ahead and stop? I'll save money and I'll smell better and I'll drastically reduce my chances for cancer.

2) This year I will take a vitamin daily. I don't get enough vitamins naturally though my normal daily diet and in the past I've tried taking a vitamin. It never lasted. I had the same bottle of Women's One A Day vitamins for like 4 years. I just recently threw it away.

So far, I have stuck to my resolutions. I had my last cigarette walking my dog Saturday evening after a lovely dinner. I started taking my vitamins a week or so before NYE so I've been on that pretty well so far.

I am actually sure I'll be sticking to my plans this year because this year, these resolutions, these are going to a greater cause.

Of course, this could all be for nothing because it is 2012 afterall. The world may just end this year making all my work for nothing. In which case, I am putting in an Apocalypse Clause in my resolutions. In the event of Armageddon or the Zombie Apocalypse I reserve the right to raid the nearest gas station for Marlboro Menthol Lights. 

 =  And whoever is in the bunker with me can just suck it. 


  1. I was actually going to post about how much of a fattie fat fatso I am. I think it'll be up tomorrow. I actually plan on trying to lose the weight though. That'll be hard for me because I love my junk food. :-(

    Good luck with your resolutions, dearie!

  2. Quitting smoking can be quite tough... Good luck!


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