Monday, August 20, 2012

Chuck E. Cheese's: wasteland

I went to Chuck E. Cheese's this past Saturday. It was my first time going, ever. I was way more excited than any 29 year old should be. As the husband and I loaded his niece and nephew up in the car and headed over to Chuck E. Cheese I had nothing but visions of pizza and whackamole and ski ball dancing in my head. 

Then we got there. 

Holy banana fuck. It was insane. 

Kids were running everywhere. Adults were left sitting at tables looking faintly frazzled. I was wide-eyed with amazement. It was overwhelming to say the very least. It took me some time, but I got it together and got out there and played some games. 

I was a lot like my niece and nephew, I kept returning to the table where my husband was patiently sitting to beg more tokens from him like a crack head returns to his dealer. 

So, I was playing ski ball, which has always been one of my favorite games to play. Granted, I was shorter and a lot less pregnant the last time I played, so I wasn't prepared for the sore back while bending low to toss the balls (that sounds dirty). 

I think everyone knows that when you are playing a game multiple times in a row, you don't pull off the tickets you win after each game. You let them collect, then when you're done you pull off one long strip. Well, when I went to retrieve my tickets that had been collecting at my feet they were gone. The little girl next to me had taken them. 


I looked at her, she looked up at me. She was no more than 6. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: You took my tickets.
Her: *blink*
Me: Those were MY TICKETS!
Her: *blink*.....*blink*
Her: *blink* *turns back to game*
Me: *blinding fury* *stomps away*

There's no justice for the wronged at Chuck E. Cheese. No one cares that kids steal your tickets and don't even try to hide it or have the decency to look abashed when you confront them. For fucks sake, apparently kid trumps pregnant wife because even my husband refused to go after her for vengeance. 

They didn't even have Whack-a-mole. Or a motherfucking balloon machine. 

So basically, my thoughts on Chuck E. Cheese are this: The hell with that place. 


  1. This just proves what I've always said: Kids are evil, asshole liars.

  2. Just wait till you go there with your kid in four years!!


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