I have a lot of feels right now. Maybe it's because I've stopped breast-feeding and therefore my first period in over a year is about to arrive. Maybe it's just the upcoming Valentine's Day that is causing the feels. I'm married. We've been together well over 6 years. Before that I had steady boyfriends (that make me shudder thinking about). In all my attached years I've never felt like Valentine's Day is a big deal.
I'm not the type of woman that gets wined and dined. Partly, I think, because I've never made any demands for it. I don't like asking for things. I feel like, if you ask or make demands then whatever nice is done for you is just happening because you said it should happen. That isn't sincere. Then it's happening because the guy knows he'll be in trouble if he doesn't do it. There's nothing less romantic than that.
Will I sit at work and cringe every time a woman has flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, stuffed animals, and edible arrangements delivered to her? Yes. Do I expect to receive anything? Nope. Will that upset me? No. Not really. Here's the thing:
If I wanted all that then I should have made it clear, like really clear, like GUY CLEAR (meaning a retarded goat could figure it out) from the beginning of our relationship. I didn't do that. I can't expect over 6 years into it for the hubs to suddenly change his ways.
Those women that get home clutching their delivered flowers, with chocolate in the corners of their mouths from the strawberries, to have their husband waiting and telling them to get dressed and to put on those sparkling diamond studs they just unwrapped, that they are going out to dinner at a restaurant with linen table cloths and dim lighting- those women are most definitely NOT me. I'm too awkward for that. I wouldn't even know what to do or how to act.
Is there a little part of me that thought maybe this year would be a little different? That maybe since I just had our baby a few months ago, that maybe a little spoiling would come my way? No. I never thought it. Did I hope? Well, hope is a bitch. I hope I win the lottery too, even though I know full well I won't. I hope I wake up tomorrow 150 pounds lighter, will it happen? No.
There was a brief time when I thought, maybe if I am the cool girlfriend THIS year, then maybe NEXT year it'll be fancier. So I was like, "of COURSE I don't care about Valentine's Day. All the restaurants will be so busy and jack the prices up. I know! Let's to to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch and get wings and drink beer and play the trivia that they have going". UGH. It's totally my fault.
I don't know. Maybe it's because I had Noelle on the 6th of November and our wedding anniversary was on the 15th and I was left at home with the baby while the hubs went to go play trivia that maybe Valentine's would be different.
Yes. I this entire post has been me throwing myself a pity party. A self-inflicted pity party. I'm blaming the hormones.