I have a lot of feels right now. Maybe it's because I've stopped breast-feeding and therefore my first period in over a year is about to arrive. Maybe it's just the upcoming Valentine's Day that is causing the feels. I'm married. We've been together well over 6 years. Before that I had steady boyfriends (that make me shudder thinking about). In all my attached years I've never felt like Valentine's Day is a big deal.
I'm not the type of woman that gets wined and dined. Partly, I think, because I've never made any demands for it. I don't like asking for things. I feel like, if you ask or make demands then whatever nice is done for you is just happening because you said it should happen. That isn't sincere. Then it's happening because the guy knows he'll be in trouble if he doesn't do it. There's nothing less romantic than that.
Will I sit at work and cringe every time a woman has flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, stuffed animals, and edible arrangements delivered to her? Yes. Do I expect to receive anything? Nope. Will that upset me? No. Not really. Here's the thing:
If I wanted all that then I should have made it clear, like really clear, like GUY CLEAR (meaning a retarded goat could figure it out) from the beginning of our relationship. I didn't do that. I can't expect over 6 years into it for the hubs to suddenly change his ways.
Those women that get home clutching their delivered flowers, with chocolate in the corners of their mouths from the strawberries, to have their husband waiting and telling them to get dressed and to put on those sparkling diamond studs they just unwrapped, that they are going out to dinner at a restaurant with linen table cloths and dim lighting- those women are most definitely NOT me. I'm too awkward for that. I wouldn't even know what to do or how to act.
Is there a little part of me that thought maybe this year would be a little different? That maybe since I just had our baby a few months ago, that maybe a little spoiling would come my way? No. I never thought it. Did I hope? Well, hope is a bitch. I hope I win the lottery too, even though I know full well I won't. I hope I wake up tomorrow 150 pounds lighter, will it happen? No.
There was a brief time when I thought, maybe if I am the cool girlfriend THIS year, then maybe NEXT year it'll be fancier. So I was like, "of COURSE I don't care about Valentine's Day. All the restaurants will be so busy and jack the prices up. I know! Let's to to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch and get wings and drink beer and play the trivia that they have going". UGH. It's totally my fault.
I don't know. Maybe it's because I had Noelle on the 6th of November and our wedding anniversary was on the 15th and I was left at home with the baby while the hubs went to go play trivia that maybe Valentine's would be different.
Yes. I this entire post has been me throwing myself a pity party. A self-inflicted pity party. I'm blaming the hormones.
Ugh, I can relate to this. I spent so many Valentines days alone that I developed a severe hate-on for the holiday and when I did end up in a long-term relationship I swore I was still going to ignore it, out of solidarity for my single self.
ReplyDeleteThe man-friend is of the same mentality (more of a hatred towards fabricated hallmark consumer-based holidays) so our acknowledgement of the day is minimal. Last year we hung out and exchanged little packs of Lindor and that was it. I don't expect much more this year, nor do I really want it (but I wouldn't be upset if something was planned.. yanno?)
It's easy to get bummed out, nonetheless, even when, in my own case, I have to remind myself of some of the very sweet romantic stuff he does throughout the rest of the year.
That's a good point. My husband is wonderful. Probably the most romantic thing is the world is him staying with me through all my crazy. I am hard to handle on occasion and he does so many little things throughout the year for me, that one day- one consumer based, corporation made-up, juvenile day- shouldn't matter.
DeleteOkay I have only been in a relationship on Valentine's Day once in my entire life. I've never exactly been a long term relationship type of a gal, so timing has never worked in my favor. But one year I actually did have a boyfriend on Valentine's Day and he really laid it on thick... 2 dozen pink roses, truffles, massage oil, little joke-y presents he made himself... the whole shebang. The relationship was pretty new-ish, and I thought 'Holy shit... this is what i'm talking about! Huzzah!!' I then proceeded to have the worst and I mean THE WORST relationship of my entire life with this person. And ever since then I have not given a shit about getting anything on Valentine's Day. I don't think it's a crock of horseshit or anything, I just think there is absolutely zero connection between how much a person loves you and what they are willing to do for you on Valentine's Day.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, diamond studs would be a pretty spectacular gift and I'm pretty sure I could find a way to non-awkwardly and very graciously accept that as a gift... i'm referring to oral sex, obviously :-)
Okay... obviously the internet machine ate the brilliant, insightful comment I left here earlier about the year I actually had a valentine who wined and dined me and then proceeded over the course of the year to reveal himself to be the worst boyfriend in history. And how I believe there is absolutely no connection between actions on valentine's day and how much a person loves you. But you'll never get to read that now. Oh and I also said that I would blow someone if they gave me diamond studs because I'm super classy like that. It was all much more articulate than this... i'm sorry. Blerg.
ReplyDeletenevermind... i guess it just has to be approved first. Jesus H. Christ. I failed the internet today :(
ReplyDeletePart of my said "hey, delete those last 2 comments, because the point was all made in the 1st post" but then I was like THAT'S HILARIOUS!! I'm leaving it!!
DeleteI have a group of spamming bastards that are attacking my blog now. I'm not sure why? One post had about 10 spam comments. So I'm trying to figure out how best to handle them. I don't want any moderation on here, I dislike it. So I may change it.
And oral sex is a perfectly acceptable thank you for diamond studs.
DeleteOh and also, my bff and I met through our husbands. The men folks, they are friends. They don't let us out in public much, but one time they took us over to another friend of their's home to hang out with them and his wife. So the men folk left us ladies to our own devices.
We were chatting and drinking a bit and it came up in conversation, that my bff has bribed her husband to go and pick up some liquor for her and he didn't want to. So she had to perform the oral sex on him to get him to agree to go. This new woman... let's call her Melinda (cause that's her name), was horrified. She tried to hide it, but we could tell. She told us how she didn't do that because she felt it was demeaning or some bullshit. Needless to say, we were never invited back.
I totally approve of you putting up all of my comments. My ridiculousness deserves to be on display to everyone.
DeleteKelly Oxford (whom I love and envy) wrote a great article for GQ or Esquire about how using sexual favors to bargain with a spouse/partner can spice up the love life. I totally approve!
And, as a rule of thumb, I would say never be friends with someone you can't tell a good BJ story too.
I totally could have written those first 3 paragraphs word for word - except I do want flowers, dammit! Hubs used to bring me flowers all the time when we were dating. I loved them! I guess he thinks since he got a ring on my finger, that releases him from all floral tributes for eternity. Tool.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I stopped at CVS yesterday to get a few things and saw nice little bamboo plants in funky vases, so I got myself one and I'll take it into work with me tomorrow.
Stay strong sister!
My wife was the same way. She'd act cool and say she didn't want anything special, but still seemed bummed after. That's actually why I go out of my way to do something on Valentine's Day now. I know how much it means to her when I do it without her asking.
ReplyDelete